I am an open book.

In the last week and a half or so, I have been asked a few times who I am. And we all have the common answers like I am a mom, a wife, and a daughter. But this morning a friend challenged me to write a blog telling people a bit more about who I am. And of course, anyone who knows me, knows I always take on a challenge.

I have done these types of introductions a few times over the years, like when I started this blog, and when I started my columns with various newspapers. But I wanted this one to be different, and not too heavy a read. In other words, I wanted to have some fun with it.

The basics are I am 41, and this year I will celebrate 20 years of marriage. My hubby(as he has been known in columns over the years), is Tim Murphy, and he is currently working at Syncrude Canada here in Fort McMurray. Our oldest son, Mitchell is 17, and will be graduating this year. Nathanial is 15, and both boys go to Holy Trinity. Shayleen is going to be 6 next week, and she reminds us every day. And first and foremost in my life, I would describe myself as a mother. It took me many years to say it proudly, I can remember when I was younger and I would explain why I had decided to stay home with the boys, like it was something that had to be justified to the world. Now I say that I have been blessed to have been a stay at home mom for many years to all our kids, and I wouldn't have traded it for anything. We are foster parents here in town, and so I guess you could say I made a profession out of being a mom. It has been through my role as a foster parent, and working with other social profit groups in town that I started thinking that I wanted to get more involved on a political level so that changes could be made to some things where I saw needed improvements. But I wasn't sure how to incorporate that into our lives.

I have written about pretty much anything that has happened to us over the course of our lives, and that is why I say I am an open book. I have written about losing two of our babies, my bone marrow transplant, weight loss, our experience with a terrible car accident when Tim was hit by a drunk driver in a head on car crash, and I have written about lighter subjects like me trying out yoga, and our vacations. But the one subject I probably have written about more than any other in the last number of years is politics, and politics in relation to our community and how the decisions made by our various levels of government impact the people that live and work in Fort McMurray. So if you want to find out about any of these subjects and my views, you can google me and whatever word for the subject, or go back through the blog to get a better sense of who I am.

Mabou Harbour, Cape Breton, Nova Scotia was home until I went away to college, and then I lived outside of Sydney, in Howie Centre, then Creignish, and then our beloved Long Stretch Road outside of Port Hawkesbury before we made the moved to Fort McMurray. If you had told me eight years ago that I would be a strong, out spoken voice in Fort McMurray and running for council, I probably would have told you to get out. I didn't like upsetting people and who the hell was I to be giving my opinion on things? But over my years in Fort McMurray, and in raising our children I have learned that I have a strong voice, but I always am able to have a balanced view of various subjects.

I like to think that my upbringing in Cape Breton and my experience of living in Fort McMurray have brought me to a point in my life where I am wanting to now participate more in the decisions that are being made about our community. Fort McMurray is an exciting place to live, and there is so much potential for what we can accomplish in the next number of years. I want to be in on it. I want to be working at bringing more long term residents to Fort McMurray. I want to be part of local businesses and investors getting excited and expanding their business and creating new ones. I want to throw open the door and see the creation of a more diverse economy in Fort McMurray that will promote growth and provide more and much needed services to our region. And I want the people of Fort McMurray to feel that their municipal council is here to serve the people that call this home. During the last election I had many people say that they didn't know about various things regarding council until I was writing about them, or sharing articles on my Facebook and Twitter. I want to be part of council so that more people will feel a connection to the work that is happening with council. There has been a lot of great work done by council in the last 18 months or so. They are working towards being more transparent, but more importantly to me they have uncovered some huge issues through things like the audit and just old fashioned asking the right questions. And I want to be part of the team that continues forward with the recommendations from the audit and with being more progressive in the decisions that are being made for the region.

What else can I tell you about who I am? I love the water, I hate housecleaning, I love to cook, I love when the kids have school breaks because it means more time with them, I did palliative care work for seven years before moving here, I could eat thai food every day for the rest of my life and be happy, and I hate it when people call me "Red" in reference to my hair.

Other than that, feel free to ask me anything, and I will answer it. I didn't go into various issues that I am passionate about in Fort McMurray, but you can bet that as the campaign ramps up I will be getting more specific. I have a Facebook campaign page, it's Verna Murphy for Council-Ward 1Fort McMurray. But like I said, I am an open book, so follow me on FB, on Twitter I am @MurphyVerna and on Instagram I am FortMacMom. My campaign slogan is Passion and Progress, and as you can tell, I have a lot to be passionate about in my life, and I will bring all that to council and I believe that now more than ever Fort McMurray needs a council that will be progressive, as we continue to grow and become more diverse, both among our residents and our businesses. So if you want to support me by volunteering, donating or if you just want to sit down for a coffee to talk about our city and my bid for council, you can email me as well at: vernaforcouncil@gmail.com or just call me at (780)838-1782.

Regrets

In all our years together, there are only a few decisions that Tim and I have made together that I almost immediately have regrets about. But today I am sitting here, having little crying jags every hour or so because we decided that the best thing for the kids was that I would stay here while he went home to Nova Scotia for his Grammie's wake and funeral.

Like many kids in Mabou, my first memories of Harriet(Grammie) was from the school. She was the secretary, but she ran the place. She knew all the kids and teachers like a mother would, and she knew when to provide advice, a listening ear, a band-aid or a scolding, and she did all that skillfully. Just like she did many things in life. She was smart, witty and she loved her family and community with a passion that was hard to deny.

The first time that I went to her house as Tim's girlfriend, she put us to work. It eventually became a little joke that I would pay my dues if I wanted to date her grandson. On our first official date we found ourselves in the quarry in Mulgrave, shovelling gravel into bags that she wanted for her flower beds. She always had a project on the go, whether it was her beautiful flower beds that were the envy of many, or making a quilt for the latest baby born into the family. All of us in the family have been left with blankets, mittens, aprons and socks that were made with her loving hands.

Harriet and I were both strong willed and strong minded women. She loved that I would argue with her when others wouldn't, and I loved her for how much she loved Tim. She loved her children, but there was something more passionate about the way she loved her grandchildren and great grandchildren. She shared all the news of what they were doing with such pride to anyone who would listen, and kept us up to date about who's cow was showing in the latest 4-H competition, or who had a new job with the same level of excitement.

But Harriet's first love, and strongest love was always for Kenny. As I sit here and think of them together again, the tears come fast. She was so heart broken when he had to go into the nursing home all those years ago, and when he passed away her grief seemed like a blanket. They fought, they laughed, they challenged each other, they were the opposites on some things, but they always remained steadfast in their love for each other.

So today I am sitting here thinking of those left behind. Her sons Clifford, Floyd, and Danford, and her daughters Ellen and Janet are all gathered at home to say their good-byes. Every single one of them are some of the most amazing people you will ever meet. They all are such giving, kind and funny people. Each has the different great qualities that their parents carried. If you were graded on how your kids turned out, then Kenny and Harriet would have gotten an A+. And their children, and grandchildren are all people that Harriet and Kenny were proud to call their family. I have been blessed to be part of the Murphy family for over 20 years. I cried when Kenny once told me he loved me like a granddaughter, because I knew how much his grandchildren meant to him.

I am also thinking of all the extended family, especially Mary Mae, Debbie, Gloria, and Lyndsey. It was not always easy being the daughter-in-law when Harriet could expect perfection for her children, lol, but she loved you all so much and told so many loving stories about all of you over the years. And to all her grandchildren, I am sending all my hugs as I know you will all be shedding some tears today and tomorrow as you say good-bye. You were her pride and joy. Of course, I saw her more with Tim then the rest over the years, but she was like a mama bear, fiercely proud and protective of all of you. Many have been sending their stories about Harriet, and while they are all nice, there is definitely a number of them that have said that you didn't mess with Harriet as far as her grandchildren were concerned. Even though her Timothy was a bit of a wild thing around Mabou in his younger days, she always knew how good his heart was and pity help the one that would say anything about him, they would be put on her bad list for life. And yes, she probably kept such a list, lol.

I wish I was home to say good-bye to say good-bye to a woman who shared so much of our life. She was there crying on our wedding day, she was the boys were born, she was there when I needed help when I got my wisdom teeth out, she was there with cookies and strawberry shortcakes on every birthday and I feel like we made a mistake in not taking the whole family home to say good-bye. It also feels wrong to just not be with the family and Tim as they say their good-byes. I love you all so much, and my heart is home with you in Cape Breton today.

My huge, life changing announcement.

Many of you may have heard already, but I have decided to run for the vacant seat on our municipal council here in Fort McMurray for Ward One.

The number one question that I have been asked by every reporter so far, and by many others as well is why? Why have I decided to run now, and why do I want to become involved in the political life? On a personal level, the answer is easy, Shayleen is in school full time, the boys are older and it is good timing for my family for me to finally give this a try. My love of politics and being involved goes way back to my school days when I was "that kid" that loved being on student council and was even the class president our graduating year. When the boys were younger, I was the president of parent council at their school. I have always wanted to be more involved in the decisions that were being made that would impact my life and the life of my family. And now it is continuing on a slightly different path on a bigger scale.

The municipality has been live streaming not just council meetings, but also the audit and budget committee meetings, the rural development meetings, and even the administration meetings over the course of the last 18 months or more. And if you miss the meetings, you can watch them from the files online on the municipal website. This has been a huge part of my life, as I have been able to stay up to date on all the issues that affect our community. I have written extensively about the decisions that have brought us to our current state in Fort McMurray, and in the last 18 months I have found council members to be very open to all my questions. They have helped me to understand why some decisions are made the way they are, but they have also been open to discussing what I hear from talking to so many people on a daily basis. I am thinking some of the councillors might be happy if I got elected, as it would mean I would not be asking them extra questions every week.

My hope during the campaign leading up to the March 30th Election Day is that I meet every single person that I can possibly meet in Fort McMurray to hear their concerns and also their wants for our community in the coming years. I will be posting some blogs about the issues that are being talked about, and please feel free to email any questions or ideas to vernamurphyforcouncil@gmail.com.

Campaigns are a lot of work, but they can also be fun and a great way to meet new friends and neighbours. So if you want to get involved by volunteering, or donating we would love to have you as part of Team Murphy! You again can use the email above, or call me at (780)748-7714 or (780)838-1782. Every minute you can spare, or every dollar you can donate will go a long way towards a successful campaign and hopefully winning the seat on the 30th. I am in the process of finalizing decisions about the little details  that have to be done before things can be ordered.

I have already been overwhelmed by all the best wishes, they have made me feel like I made the right decision to run! Thanks so much, I truly believe I have the most wonderful support system in my life.

Our first adventure in Mexico.

I thought I would be writing every morning sitting on our deck, and in the afternoon while we lounged in the shade down here in Mexico. But alas, the first night Tim was still sick, and I got hit with it the first full day we were here. So we have been trying to get our energy back, but I of course, as anyone who knows Tim, and he goes or does anything, I always have a story of his shenanigans.

Let me set the scene. We arrived on Wednesday night, and it was late, so dark already as we arrived at the lobby to check in. Tim had been suffering with a flu bug for a few days before we even left, but the plane ride and long day of travel had somewhat taken an even worse toll. Now I am not being mean, and Tim will tell you himself, he is not a smart man when he's sick. Frankly, he's as stunned as my arse, and always stubborn, so not a great combination when I was the one that worked my ass off for the week before we left to get everything arranged for the kids, and was feeling just as tired by the time we arrived.

I offered to go find some nasal spray to see if that would at least help him breath, and of course, he insisted on coming. So off we went, in the dark, at a new resort, exhausted, hungry and just not feeling the best. The walk over along the lit hallways was easy. But someone along the way said we could cut across the pool areas to go back even more quickly. And here is where I will take a little blame, but then it's all Tim, because I said, "Usually we are right at the water and we go for a walk to hear the waves when we arrive." So Tim was trying to be nice, and decided to try to wander down to the beach and walk along that way back to the room.

Well, we ended up on this barely lit path that was not even, and seemed never ending. I was terrified one of us would end up falling on the first night and we would not be able to do anything for the rest of the trip. You think I am exaggerating, but if you know us, you know we are capable of anything! It didn't help that there is plenty of wildlife around here, and when a raccoon ran towards us at one point, I thought I was going to have a stroke.

We finally came to a more well lit area, but it was like wooden walkways through the mangroves, and barely any signs. So then was when we started walking in circles. We met up with a few other couples who tried to point us in the right direction, but Tim had his little map, and was convinced he could lead us back to the room. I didn't want to damage his ego for the first HOUR or so, but by the end of the hour, I was just about ready to throw him into the mangroves. I started seeing headlines in my head. "Canadians go off well beaten path on first night in Mexico and die of dehydration, 20 feet from their room." was one, another was, "Wife kills husband in Mexico because he would not take directions."

By the time we got back to the room, 2 hours had gone by, and my Fitbit is not working down here, but I am sure we walked 8 miles. In the light of day, it seemed like we took bizarre turns, and just walked in circles over and over.

Anyway, we made it back, and of course, I have more Tim stories. Yesterday we kind of got our sense of the resort, did some walking, and tried to shake off the flu bugs. Towards the end of the day, a man knocked on the door, and gave Tim what looked like little vials to me, but I didn't look at them too closely. When I started feeling more sick, Tim said that it was aromatherapy, and it was suppose to help me sleep. But there was no little candles in the room with the warmer, so off he went to the lobby to get a candle to warm it up and tuck me in. He lands back saying, "Well, that was humiliating." I got a pain from laughing when he said that the little vials were actually honey that we were suppose to eat before bedtime, and all the girls in the lobby thought it was hilarious that this dumb guy was looking for a candle to heat it up.

More stories about our day today tomorrow. But it was beautiful today, and I forgot how much I like sitting out on the deck in the evenings.

Funny as Hell!!!

Yes, yes, I know, I have been on the missing list. Thanks for the all the messages, I'm doing okay, I am working on a blog piece to tell you everything that has been going on with us again lately. But today, I want to talk about fun. I know, we've talked about it before, but when was the last time you had fun? When was the last time you belly laughed, or you laughed so hard you peed just a little bit(come on, we all do it)....I'm willing to bet it's been a little while?

I am blessed in many ways. Many of you know my husband, or have him on your Facebook, and he tries to give us all a laugh each day. Now, I'm not saying he makes me laugh EVERY day, because, you know, his ego his gigantic already, and I'm not stroking that one bit further. LOL.

But just after Christmas a friend from home, Jennifer Rose posted a video, and because of this discovery, I am now laughing every day. And the videos are usually eliciting a snort or a belly laugh, so I had to share.

My Life as Teresa is a page on Facebook, and while she is a fictional character, you will be laughing along because she speaks the truth, she makes it funny and many are relating. What I love the most about her is that she just says whatever on her mind, and while her mother might not think anyone is interested in what she has "gots to say", the huge number of hits she is getting on her videos is proving her wrong.

Here is what a typical video post from My Life as Teresa.
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1600579390174015

In the last couple of weeks I have made a resolution to laugh more, and to start having some fun. My Life as Teresa will be a way for me to get my fix, I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do. And here's her Facebook page, go and Like it, you won't regret it.

In my goal to laugh more, I will be sharing more again. My only trepidation is that there always seems to be someone who minds how much I share. And that's another topic I will be taking on in the coming months. I never share information to hurt or make anyone feel uncomfortable. It's my take on things, it's my life, and if you don't like it, don't follow, because the coming months are going to be different, and very open.....AND FUN. Imagine, having a life that you want to live happily and share with no regrets.

First up? Mexico with my hubby of almost 20 years. Tim has had some more complications thrown at him in the last couple of months, and will have even more in the coming months, that we will share. But for now, we told Shayleen we are off to Alaska because she would be so sad to not be going to Mexico, and yes, Tim and I are already having a little guilt for not taking her and the boys. But one week out of every few years for just some adult time is not something we should feel bad about!

So follow along next week! Usually I don't share too much about our trips south, but with so many more people going, and everyone always looking for something different to do, and good restaurants, I think it will be fun to try to share more of the trip with everyone. So add me on Facebook, Twitter(@MurphyVerna) and Instagram(Fortmacmom), and join the fun!

This is the resort we will be staying at in the Mayan Riviera. I feel like a kid waiting for Christmas!

New Year's Eve, old memories.

The last few days I have been pretty lonesome for my Nanny. For those who don't know, Nanny was my father's mother, and she lived just a few hundred feet from our house as I grew up in Mabou Harbour. Christmas was her favourite time of year, she took great delight in watching the kids opening their gifts, and having family all around all the time. When I think back now, I don't know how she always managed to have so much food available for everyone who came through the door. 

It was ten years ago today since Nanny passed away. The sadness comes every year, but I never know when that deep sadness will come, you know, the sadness that makes you wish you could call up a lost loved one just to hear them one more time. It came for me last night. I fell asleep wishing I could at least dream about her so that she could feel close for just a little while. Instead she sent her sign this morning, when I woke up to a bell on my phone, at the exact same time that I got the call ten years ago that Nanny had died. 

When I was about 8, Nanny and I were walking down our lane, and we promised each other that whoever died first, they would let the other one know that they were okay. Years went by and we never talked about that promise. And then I got sick, and had to have a bone marrow transplant. I made it home for Christmas, and on New Year's Eve me and Nanny had a long, long chat. And she asked me if I remembered our promise from years ago. She told me she was too scared to ask me before that, because she didn't want me to think that I was going to die. We didn't talk about our promise again for years. It wasn't until she was dying with cancer that we once again talked about the fact that we needed reassurance. I knew life would never be the same again without my Nanny, and I honestly worried about how I would cope. She was always the one who could help me get my priorities straight, who made me realize that I was worrying about silly things, and the one who loved me no matter what...I could be silly, self-centred, or whatever, and she was my constant. She loved unconditionally, and I could not imagine life without her. 

I had left the hospital through the night of the 30th-31st, and when the phone rang early that morning, I knew before I answered it that she was gone. As I hung up, I looked out the window and the yard was full of birds, and she was always watching the birds. I took that as my first sign. And while others may not believe in heaven, or signs, or whatever, the signs that I have gotten over the years have been my way of coping with the loss of a wonderful woman from my life. I know I watch for signs, and I believe she sends them. 

So while I always take stock on New Year's, it is a day that is full of memories of my Nanny, and this year, the ten year mark seems a little more sad. It feels like it was yesterday, and it seems like it was a lifetime ago. I miss her stories, I miss how she kept me connected with all my cousins, I miss her voice, I miss her cookies and rolls, I miss her great conversations, and I miss just her presence. We could just sit and not say a word and be comfortable. 

Nanny was an incredible woman, who loved her family more than anything. She really was something else, and every year as I sit down to think about her, I make a little resolution that I will once again to try to be as good a mother as she was, and hope that I will someday be a Nanny who will be loved as much as she was. If you have a grandparent, give them a hug for me today, and I want to send special hugs to my Dad, and all my aunts and uncles. We were all lucky to have had Nanny in our lives, and she loved you all so much. 

Why can't others get such media attention?

Last night my Twitter feed blew up, with the rage over the Bill 10 filling up the page. There was an outpouring of how people felt this was so unjust, and wrong on so many levels. As a quick synopsis, the bill will mean that youth wanting to form Gay Straight Alliances at school, can form them, but the school will be allowed to say whether or not it is allowed. If the school does not allow it, students can appeal to the school board, and then if they also deny it, they can take it to the Court of the Queen's Bench.

While I do not support taking away the rights of youth to form any type of group, I kept waking up all through the night with so many thoughts going through my head that I had to share. Because if you force me to answer, I will say that Gay Straight Alliances are more for the parents than the youth, and I would be very interested in seeing how they would run. Because you know what makes me sad? That people think we need such "alliances". An alliance to me suggests a "us against them" line of thinking, and I think that is wrong. Let me explain my line of thinking.

When I went away to college, I made all kinds of friends. I felt like I had been thrust into some kind of bakery where suddenly I could find a pastry to suit my tastes instead of always just settling for bread because of no variety. I met people from different cultures, races, and countries, and I hungrily learned about the way they grew up and how we were all different. And there was one girl that I started meeting up along the route to class, and we had so much to chat about, we quickly became friends. I loved that she loved talking about books and music, and politics and she was just fun to be around. We ate together, we hung out after class and chatted about life. Now remember, I was from rural Cape Breton, and I had very limited interactions with people of colour, of different religions, and with gay people. In fact, I would say I knew gay people growing up, but I never knew they were gay, it just was not talked about at home, and when people moved away and finally "came out" it was still "the talk" for a while afterwards.

Christmas exams came and went, and we were getting ready to go home for the holidays, and this young girl asked me to go for supper downtown. I could tell that she was nervous, and I wondered aloud almost right away about what was wrong. Turns out she was gay, and I had no clue. And she was terrified of telling me because she was not sure how I would react. And I will never forget that moment, because I was so sad that she thought it would change how much I liked her. Twenty three years later, we still keep in touch. And it still makes me sad that people need to create alliances because of how they choose to live, what religion they are, or even if they are a woman or not. That's just me, it makes me sad. This video kept popping into my head last night that I saw a few years ago.

I want that for everyone. I don't care if you are gay, transgender, straight, bisexual, whatever.

But I was upset last night for another reason.

Last week it was reported that in the last 8 months, 18 children have died in the Child Welfare system of Alberta. Just stop for one minute and think about that....18 children. 18 children that are just like your children, just like your grandchildren, children that will not grow up and ever have the chance to have the lives that we all so often take for granted.

I am willing to bet you didn't hear that story. And this is what makes me angry and sad over and over again. Where is the outrage for those 18 children??? Why are we not flooding twitter and screaming about THEIR rights?? We have been fostering for 6 years now, and I will admit I have become a bit jaded with the system, as it doesn't work for the children, it does not have their best interests at heart, and it needs to be fixed in so many ways. So why keep doing it you ask? Because of those 18 children, and all the others who keep getting lost in the stupid government bureaucracy.

But it's not just the government at fault. People in general, just don't care about foster kids. It took me  6 years to say that, but it's true. If you have a dog found in a dumpster, more people will react to that story that they will to a story about a child in foster care who has died. It's like everyone puts blinders on to these kids, they are someone else's problem. And as foster parents, we are often silenced about the system because we don't want to cause trouble for workers, or the agencies we are with, but I think that is usually an initial reaction, and many of us find our voices and try to bring some changes for these children. Problem is that the government is not listening to us. And children will keep dying in care. We are lucky in Fort McMurray to have two wonderful agencies which supports their foster parents. I don't remember, and cannot find a story of a child dying in care up here. Maybe the government could start by looking at what is different up here?

And lastly, on the Bill 10 issue, I have been talking with a young woman a lot lately(not from Fort McMurray, but she does live in Alberta), about this bill. And last night we were messaging back and forth when she said a few things that really struck me. First of all she said that having these clubs would be nice for some at school, but in general, gay people don't go out trying to "form alliances or friendships with straight people specifically, so why do straight people feel the need to go make gay friends?" And she also made another point that people of her age(she is 16), don't care what "the suits in Edmonton decide".  And that point really struck a nerve with me, because I started thinking about my own youth, and when politicians made decisions that I thought really sucked....generally, their decisions or their thoughts on matters really didn't change my life that much. And like this girl said, youth today are way more socially intelligent then I was at their age. They are like me in college, where they really don't stop and analyze if someone is gay or not. So maybe it's time for us adults to just back off some, and make sure that your kid is growing up feeling loved at home, and they know that they and their friends can gather at your house to discuss whatever in the heck they want.

My final admittance is that I have always been a parent who believes that it is not the school's duty to raise our kids. Yes, I want schools to be a place where all students feel safe and secure in expressing themselves, but I will forever think it takes a village to raise a child, and I feel that way too much responsibility can be put onto the schools just so that some parents don't have to actually parent. But that's a whole other post.

I guess the point of my rant is that while it sucks that some students might have to fight for a right to form a club, I would rather focus on the children who are being denied so many other rights. Alberta, can we can a little more upset about dying children then about the right for a club that many will probably not even join in the first place?