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Monday, September 9, 2013

Time to cry...just a little.

From January 1 until June of this year I went to Tops and lost every week.  It was slow, and I complained about how some weeks I only lost a half a pound, or a even a pound.  And tonight I went to get weighed, to try to get back in a routine, and the disappointment I am feeling in myself is gross.  Not only did I gain 2.4 pounds in the last two weeks, I am now back at 192.  I thought that when I left the 190's I would never be back again.  And yet, here I am.

I feel like crying, just a bit...why does losing this weight and keeping it off have to be so hard?  How do I get a grip on my emotional eating once and for all?  When extremely stressed, I don't overeat, and I also don't eat very well at all.  But when I am worried about Tim or the kids, I eat.  And since I have always called Tyler mine, I have been eating ALOT.

In the next few weeks, I will share all this is going on with me medically again.  I have been put on puffers to help my lungs some, so I have been scared to try exercising again since I was struggling so much with my air.  And a few months ago we found a lump in Nathanial's chest, which the doctors said they thought would go away on it's own.  But then he got another lump on his hip and now we are meeting the surgeon on Wednesday as they think it will have to be removed and sent away for pathology.  I have hardly slept since his second ultrasound a week and a half ago, when they called the very next day and said they wanted to see us about the results.  It is one thing to handle tests and results when it is yourself, but quite another thing when it is your child.

But again, it should not be a reason for me to stuff myself, right?  I need to keep thinking that, and get back on track!  My first vice that will have to go is the pasta....and bread.  Wish me luck(and maybe Tim too as I fight my way through cravings, lol).

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